How We Spend Time Together as a Married Couple
Can’t believe I am writing another blog about marriage two days in a row. When something is written from a place of rest, it is God at work. He is my Miracle Worker.
Embracing the fact that we lead separate lives with unique interests and passions has been a valuable lesson. However, it remains crucial that we consistently come together as a united front, functioning as a harmonious entity.
Abstract from: How to Become an Influencing Partner in a Thriving Marriage.
From my previous blog, girlfriends asked, "How do James and I get together despite our differences?" "How do we reconnect after our individual activities?"
Marriage starts becoming stale when either partner decides that their time for work, socializing, or games override the need to spend time with each other intentionally. When we stop dating our partners intentionally, we also stop understanding and getting to know them at different stages of life.
Do you believe in your partner's utmost potential to become a better person?
What the bible says about renewed minds (even on how you see the good in others)
To make time, we got to debunk this common lie: "I don't have enough time for my partner." So that you’ll find yourself looking at creative ways to make time with your partners.
In your vow to stay together, you've given your partner a divine exchange for a larger life both of you can have together. If we only see the little and stop dreaming together, you’ve created roadblocks to your relationship goals.
Thus, only by coming together as one united front can give your marriage a purpose.
The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
This is why God made Eve for Adam. We are to be partners that help bake a bigger pie with the man we are living with. To me, it is about remembering that my husband deserves to dream. James deserves to have his dreams fulfilled! What a joy to witness his achievements. Likewise, I believe James wants the same for me.
I think one of the most significant forts that held us together is our willingness to love. We love; therefore, we spend our time loving each other. Love is the key that keeps a marriage. You cannot go on a day in the marriage without love or at least an amount of care for the person you've exchanged your vows with.
HOW WE SPEND TIME TOGETHER
(Version #crz&james)
1
We make time together for friends and family
This seems to be the most significant role we play as a married couple. Together we meet our friends in distress. Say, I meet a girlfriend for drinks, and she pours out her sorrows, James appears, but my girlfriend does not see him as an extra; rather, she welcomes him. We also go on a lot of double and triple dates. Every married couple functions differently; I like to take in their conversations and differences. We listen to their funny or unsettling issues. It reminds us that we are all serious works in progress. No marriage is the same over time.
On another hand, my dad and aunt Sally seem to be more newlywed than us. So it is quite interesting to hear them grumble about their diehard habits. Yet, they are living proof for me and James that characters do not stop growing at 65 as long as you pursue wellness. My dad is graduating from Tung Ling Bible School next week! Can you believe that it can happen to you too?
We regularly gather with our church friends and they have witnessed our individual and collective growth in faith. Their presence and unwavering commitment to Jesus and their inspiring faith serve as a source of inspiration for us. Opening up and sharing vulnerably as a couple in front of our friends allows us to reflect on and strive toward the best version of ourselves. Therefore, as a couple, we deeply value the involvement of our friends.
2
We make time together for dreams
Both of us are filled with dreams and aspirations. James has a multitude of dreams, surpassing mine in number, and that's perfectly fine because I understand that only God can align our paths. What truly sets our marriage apart is our shared devotion to loving God and His people. This common drive fuels our relationship.
Our date nights have become simpler, yet our conversations have grown deeper. We engage in discussions, posing questions and offering distinct perspectives. There is a refreshing renewal in our thinking process. God graciously shifts our minds to ask profound heavenly questions that only He can answer. This cultivates a strong desire to be firmly rooted in His word. Additionally, we utilize our time to discuss our friends. Yes, we talk about you, but not in a gossipy manner. Instead, we pray for your dreams and remain genuinely curious about your journey, seeking divine opportunities to share words of wisdom.
Besides that, we celebrate our milestones. James makes a reservation for good food when he scores a project, and that's worth celebrating. Another worth celebrating for James is his achievements in his adventurous pursuits. This boy comes home all scratched, but I can tell from his beaming smile that he must have made a daring jump today. We still say things like, "Good job!" "That jump looks scary, but wow, you did it!"
I firmly believe that celebrating our husbands contributes to their sense of pride and fulfillment.
3
We make time together for errands
J: I need to go to the workshop today; accompany me?
(Well, not all the time I'll say yes, but when I do... it’s extra time together)
Me: I need to get a couple of supplies at Artfriend.
J: Okay, and then we can grab a coffee nearby.
Friends, don't belittle what you call routine and mundane errands. Supermarket runs can be fun too. Maybe spin to a different mart. Get off the usual routes and miss a few stops. You can always inject play into your routine. Ps, I understand that I am not writing this from the position of a parent. And as parents, kids become the priority for everything. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help. Hola if you need time off from the kids to do date nights! We can sit them if you don’t mind our intuitive parenting methods.
4
Go for Unplugged Hours or Holidays If Possible
Truly, this recent trip we had close to nature was so refreshing. Much needed after 3 years. One evening we fought too, but we make up for it by cheering each other forward. I love our intended conversations. James also charming me by being present with me. That’s the most precious gift I received from him every day.
Our creative entertainment evolves as we grow and our activities reflect us today. From our Instagram, you’ll see from coastal getaways to serene mountain retreats, where we find tranquility and solitude over loud parties.
James possesses a greater inclination for spontaneity compared to me, and I rely on his courage to engage in activities that I may feel hesitant about. On the other hand, I exhibit a more spirited nature, and he finds himself challenged by my fearless "just do it" instinct.
Yes, and we complement each other by recognizing our strengths and weaknesses. Trusting each other for greater adventure.
Frankly, how you choose to spend time comes from your relationship goals with your partner. If you are struggling in spending time with your partner, it probably means there is an alignment of beliefs or goals that needs reset. Remember that your marriage needs to grow after you've grown. Thus, coming together and talking about process and progress is important. There are no fixed rules and no perfection in marriage.
Above all, our favorite time together these days is taking walks in between our meals. It doesn’t take a lot of time to water and give nutrients into your relationship. It takes two willing hearts loving on each other.
I hope this serves as a helpful insight! This is written based on personal experience. I must give credit to James for the success of our marriage. He is the true cheerleader and a more daring risk-taker compared to me. I am grateful that he supports my pursuit of writing, even if he may not be reading this blog. So often he nags at me for not giving a clear context of what I am trying to say so this journey allows me to develop my skills and explore future possibilities of how I communicate.
✘ crz
FUN FACT ABOUT US:
James and I have contrasting preferences when it comes to enjoying coffee. As you may recall, James seeks a brief moment of solace, while I crave a more extended experience. Our coffee time can take two different forms:
"Let's grab and go."
"Let's have a long black and sit for hours."
He is content with buying me a hot coffee for on-the-go when I would rather sit and savor it. Disagreements like this, if not addressed properly, can lead to misunderstandings. It took us some time to find a suitable compromise. For instance:
J: Do you want coffee?
Me: Do we have enough time to sit and enjoy it?
or
J: I'm getting a coffee.
Me: Could you get me a short one, or can I share your cold brew?
These conversations are often idealistic in nature, and we don't always find a perfect solution. However, we can try making a conscious effort, especially considering our different responsibilities and schedules.
