She needs you too
I am writing this to celebrate women through generations for a generation. Whether an old soul or lost, this is for you.
As a child, I considered myself quite closely knitted with my mom, but she was strict, yet I remembered her gentleness. In my faded memory, because she was a working nanny, I was given chores to take care of the other babies. My role as a big sister not only attended to my sister, I had many adopted siblings.
The school was within walking distance, and I remember mom bringing me to school on the first day, directing my paths so that I’d harness the confidence to walk myself the next day. That's how quickly I had to jumpstart my life at primary school. I was pretty independent and too often looked out for others that I thought was all that was necessary.
“I was pretty independent and too often looked out for others that I thought was all that was necessary. Not until I met this girl.”
Not until I met this girl, who seemed quiet and alone at recess. She sits at the bench with her bowl of noodles. Soon, I went beside her, and I learned too much from her. She shares her ridiculous spicy choice of food, she put me on all sorts of wheels (LOL). She invited me to her home, we play pretend; from doctors to lawyers to agencies, and built an empire of barbie town on all floors.
As far as I remember, I looked up to her with all my heart. She became this bigger sister that I needed. It is surreal to be loved and taken care of by another brave person. We went to church together, made new friends, danced, and served together. Whenever someone sees me, they'll ask for her too. Were we one?
Then I grew overly attached, to know it was time to let go. When my mom decided to leave the family too, I was just a girl (not yet a woman). Her excuse was that she had enough and wanted her own life back. Her departure hurt the family. Soon, I left being perfect. I left the church too because it was hard living through an incomplete family. (a story for another time).
In 2015, I felt a burning quest to help the hurting version of myself. I wanted to become the voice of any girl or woman in distress. Through Lisa Bevere's ministry, I realized how we must become the voice that God has called us to carry. So I wrote a letter to my 21-year-old self.
Dear 21yo me,
It has been a whirl of a life! You did it! You've seized every opportunity, and you fought justice for good. You were fearless til the end. Most importantly, you knew Jesus loved you. You knew even though you may not pronounce it publicly.
It was in your secret place of gin and tears that you knew. You cried out Abba when you were feeling lost and unwanted. You do not know how to respond, but you knew you had to show up for others the next day.
You've always pulled yourself up the next day with espresso shots. You showed up at work and braved yourself to stand tall when others saw you as small. You traveled far and carried a deeper soul. You saw the good in people even though they have hurt you. You have held on to hope because you did it in good faith. I am still here.
Thank you for holding the fort when every wall was tumbling. Thank you for embracing change and adapting so quickly. Thank you for allowing yourself to be quiet. Thank you for remembering that Jesus loves you so very much. Even though we were imperfect, thank you for loving us and this precious gift of life that God gave. Thank you for staying faithful.
Today, all that I am is because of the decisions you made. So thank you for you.
x 30yo me
My cares for women grew even stronger when we lost ahma. She was a living testimony. throughout my lfe, she has always been around. she’ll feed me, she’ll pray and declare my future. She carried vision for this family and she never stop praying for us. She was full of expectancy. always full of pray and joy despite her difficulties.
“Fiery trials are the means of revealing both our STRENGTHS and the ERROR of our ways.”
- Lisa Bevere
ahma steps outside her comfort and expect her days of mourning to turn to joy. She was my great example.
Maybe try writing to yourself. Reflecting on the past years, what did you do for yourself to be thankful. who or what sets you apart?
Your story is a history in the making. Your life shall not end with you. Let it roar for generations, just like how we might have reformed from our parents' missteps. Your experience needs to be heard so that she may be (RE)awaken, (RE)live, and (RE)store.
This letter above was my turning point, it restored a dream and I was full of purpose again. step by step, praying myself full.
“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”
1 Peter 1:6-7 NLT
